Wednesday, October 17, 2012

the PARANOIA

  
Paranoia [ˌpærəˈnɔɪ.ə] (adjective: paranoid [ˈpærə.nɔɪd]) is a thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion

The word paranoia comes from the Greek "παράνοια" (paranoia), "madness"[1] and that from "παρά" (para), "beside, by"[2] + "νόος" (noos), "mind". (wikipedia)

the MADNESS

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat:  'we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.' (lewis carrol)



i don't believe it! but i can't deny whats happening. i can't deny the way i feel. surely this is real but something is not right here. im not myself anymore, im numbed and you all ignore? but then again...   

where am i? what is happening? i'm not the same. do you hear me or is this all in my mind? my lips quivering. my body shaking. my head expanding. whatever it is. i must get out. i must get back in. or else suffer this purgatory forever. or so it seems.

tell me, if a moment feels like forever is it not? the mind can play some sinister tricks. it'll have you reeling to and fro. but I don't get it! what is this new game we have here? i don't understand. i must confess this is not at all easy to the uninformed.  

i feel boxed in by a invisible wall. as if caged by dimensional fences. i feel trapped out of my proper domain. as if outside my body. im beside my mind. i must get back in. you say i will. but can i trust you? or is this all a lie? please tell me baby.  reassure me. will it go away? please, will it go away?

i'm dying in this moment dear. a infinity. a horror, a hell. just enough to scar your mind for eternity and leave a lasing impression. why me? why me i ask? this ain't no fair game we're playing here! that's it! i give up! you've had your turn. let me win. okay, thats enough. why persist to make a move if i stopped? why continue to ruin my pieces if i don't respond. that's it! i shall end this game for good!

and so i have but not all are the lucky players therein. some have stuck on the board dazed by the maze of madness. taken over by paranoia, a delusion of fear and anxiety. as if this were your lot to live in. as if there was no way out. you must come out of the hole!

  • trapped and heavy, enclosed, caged and enslaved.
  • layers of weight
  • body quivering, shaking, heart racing
  • hopelessness
  • no control
  • head spinning
  • eyes shifting
ELO!nk